Author: Fabi & Dani (
dani_mathoz )Translator:
br_arashi Thank you ♥Pairing: Ohmiya (main), Aiba x ? (mentioned)
Genre: Romance and Angst
Rating: NC-17
Summary: 'Two lonely and suffered hearts look in the shadows of an agitated city, the light that can free them from the darkness in which they live'
Just a reminder, English is not our first language please be kind ♥
The more I think about how far you are,
Even loving each other, we parted ways
I wanted to be beside you every night time
If I had thrown everything away in that day when you were crying
Maybe you would still be by my side now
I’m always so skilled in not saying anything
But I’m hurting you
Even though I’d like to protect you more than anyone else
Oh baby, tell me why time goes by
My memories of you, your voice (they fade day after day)
Your voice reaches me even now and I search for you
My chest hurts so much, tell me why
(My pain stays again and again)
But I honestly want to tell you I’m sorry
— Thank you for the ride, senpai — said Aiba, as soon as his friend parked his car in front of the building where he lived. — Would you like to go upstairs?
— Can I take a rain check? — Sho asked, after checking on his wrist watch. — It’s late already and I have an appointment early in the morning.
— Of course, you can. I’ll be glad to have you whenever you want to come around — said the orthopedist. We can even invite Ohno and Nino so we can repay them for tonight. What do you say?
— Perfect! — Sho agreed. — By the way, what did you think of Ninomiya?
— I think you should stop worrying about Ohno-kun. Nino — he used the intimate nickname — seems an adorable person. He is smart, fun and interesting. Your childhood friend found the right person. He's clearly in love.
— And do you think he is loved in return?
— I’m quite sure. Several times Nino looked at him as if we weren’t there. Don’t be so overprotective, Sho-chan. Nino is a good person.
— I have this feeling, as well.
— Then, why are you so worried?
Sakurai sighed.
— I just don’t want Satoshi to get hurt. Not now, when he evolved so much…
— And don’t you think this evolution is partly because of Nino?
— Yes — the therapist agreed with a sigh. — There’s no doubt that Ninomiya-san gave him back his joy and his serenity. I’m very happy for him! And I really hope this relationship to work out. But I can’t help worrying. Everything was so sudden and I don’t know if they know each other enough to sustain their connection, you know? Satoshi has several issues and I’m afraid Ninomiya-san won’t be able to handle it when they emerge. I won’t bear to watch him in wrecks again, Masaki…
— I understand, but you need to let Ohno-kun take the chance. If Nino can’t handle it, you will be there to support him as you’ve always done, right?
Sakurai threw him a half smile, in agreement.
— You know? Sometimes, I think you are a much better therapist than I am.
— I must have learned something in this time we’ve known each other — the orthopedist joked. — Well, I won’t take your time anymore. Have a good night!
— Hey… — Sho called, when he had already stepped outside the car. — Are you alright?
Masaki turned to his friend, ashamed. He had been waiting Sho to question him about what happened at dinner during their way there, but, when the therapist started talking about random stuff, he hoped he wouln’t have to revisit that moment.
— I’m sorry for that scene, earlier today. I’ve almost ruined dinner, right?
— Of course not. Ohno and Nino barely noticed it.
— Come on, Sho-chan… I know that the fact they were acting as if nothing had happened when I came out of the bathroom was your doing. I don’t know what you’ve told them, but thank you, really.
— There’s no need to thank me. Just tell me you are fine. You’ve told me right now that I’m overprotective regarding Satoshi, but I want you to know that it’s the same with you. I don’t like to see you sad — his steady hand traveled over the soft skin of the orthopedist’s face.
— Don’t worry. I’m fine. I just wasn’t ready to hear his voice so suddenly.
— That was the music Raiden wrote for you, wasn’t it?
— By its title, as Nino said, and the few pieces I could process, yes. I’ve never heard it before.
— Eh? But you’ve told me he had sent you a copy of the CD…
— Yeah, a few days before the release. But I wasn’t able to hear it.
— I’m sorry. I thought…
— It’s all right — Aiba told him, with a forced smile, even if his words weren’t sincere. — I know I should overcome it, since it has been two years since we broke up, but there hasn't been even a day I wouldn't think about him.
— It’s just natural, Masaki — Sho comforted him, taking his hands between his. — You two had a long and intense story. And a beautiful one, no matter what. A love like that doesn’t disappear overnight.
— No, you are right. I try to pull out this feeling from my chest for so long, but, no matter what I do or how much I try to rebuild my life, I still love him. That is why I couldn’t hear the music he sent me. Even if I miss him so much that, sometimes, I feel like I'm short of air; even if I’m still attached to the memories we shared, I don’t want to hope anymore. I’ve chosen to love myself first and I want to keep this resolution till the end — he cleaned his eyes, refusing to let even a tear to fall. At least, not in front of Sho. — I don’t know if you can understand what I’m trying to say…
— I know quite well what you’re saying, Masaki — Sho answered, enigmatic, as if he had felt in his own skin the pain of a complicated love story. — And that’s what makes you so special, you know? Even if you have this conscience, you still keep an eye on him from afar.
— I couldn’t just abandon him, right? Not when he needed me the most. Even if, to do so, I had to put an end to our relationship.
— You didn’t have a choice. If you hadn’t taken this decision and remained attached to it, neither you nor Raiden would have been able to stand up again. He is a different man now. He’s completely clean for more than an year and started a volunteer work, advising the youngsters at the clinic twice a week. Besides, Maeda-sensei told me he is considering the idea of writing his biography, talking about his experience with his addictions and how he is overcoming them slowly.
— I’m happy for him — Aiba said, his expression a mix of pride and satisfaction. — Thank you for following Maeda-san in Raiden’s treatment.
— Don’t thank me. It’s my job, after all. I would have done it even if you hadn’t asked me for help. It’s a pity I can’t treat him personally due to my connection to you. But I want you to know that I will do whatever in my reach to keep on assisting him in the best way I can.
— I know — Aiba smiled. — Well, I think I’ve kept you for too long, Sho-chan. I don’t wanna hold back your sleep even more — he changed the subject, with a renewed expression. — Good night.
He left the car, not waiting for his friend’s answer. He didn’t want to involve him even more in his problems. He was already feeling too guilty for asking for his help in his ex-boyfriend’s treatment and for running to him whenever he had a relapse.
He threw his key over the coffee table as soon as he entered the apartment. His first thought was getting to the bedroom, wearing his PJs and falling asleep. Just like Sho, he had an important appointment in the following morning and he wanted to be well disposed in the team meeting.
He had just graduated and, as the youngest member of the orthopedy team of the hospital, he needed to be the most enthusiastic. After all, it had been very hard to get the highly disputed position in Hashimoto-sensei’s team, one of the best experts in country. Working with him wasn’t only a great learning, but also a great advantage for his curriculum. He couldn’t waste that opportunity.
On his way to the bedroom, nonetheless, he stopped right in front of the counter at his dining room.
In which point did I forget my light has always been you?”
Then, the feelings he had been trying to avoid came up and he faltered.
Opening one of the drawers, he took off a yeallow envelope. The same one he had sworn to ignore, as soon as he received it from the doorman’s hands. There was a white card attached over it with a sellotape showing a small text, written with the steady strokes of the handwriting he knew so well.
“ I know you have all the reasons not to want to get involved with anything concerning me, but I’d like you to listen to my new work. Maybe you will recognize on it the man I once was. Not the dazzled one who hurt you, but the dreamer, who promised you the world. Track 9 was specially made for you.”
It wasn’t his first time reading those words, but, different from before, he didn’t ignore them. He couldn’t deny that the statements he had heard during dinner had affected him.
He pulled the CD out of the envelope and studied the cover. He was thrilled to see the features of the man to whom he had promised eternal love. He had regained his weight and looked healthy, quite different from the last time they’ve been face to face, almost two years before. At that time, he was too skinny, dark circles marking his peaked face.
Fortunately, as his solo picture inside the booklet showed, Raiden seemed to have recovered the energy that had earned him the nickname – which meant 'lightening'. His face was flushed, his black hair shorter, but still falling like silk over his shoulders. His costume, in pastel colors, opposed to the gothic style he used to have when he was still a member of Spiral, what gave him a serenity he haven’t seen in him in a long while.
It was almost as if he was happy, even though he could still notice there was something missing.
And he was so beautiful… As beautiful as he remembered or even more.
He closed his eyes for a few seconds, happy memories coming to his mind, lively and dominating.
Could they recover them, one day?
With resolution, he pulled the CD out of its packing and placed it at the stereo. As expected, his legs lost their strength as soon as the first accord from the guitar reverberated around the room and, suddenly, he went back to the time when his boyfriend wasn’t yet the well-known Raiden who flooded the domes with fans, all wishing to hear his songs. At that time, he was his only audience.
— So, what do you think? — the aspiring musician asked, smiling, while showing him the red Gibson he had just bought.
— It’s beautiful! — he exclaimed, his eyes going from the guitar to the satisfied expression on his boyfriend’s face. He knew how much he had sacrificed to buy it, sharing his time between the school and the part-time job, just to get enough money to buy it.
— Looks just like new, right? — he asked, excited, handing him the instrument so he could analyze it.
Masaki looked at the guitar, his fingers traveling over its extension. It wasn’t new, but the previous owner seemed to have been very careful and, in spite of a few scratches, it was in an excellent state.
— Wanna try it?
His boyfriend smiled and connected the guitar to the speaker. Before starting the first notes, however, he pulled him closer making their lips touch in a soft kiss.
— Thanks for being so patient with me, Masaki — he thanked him, touched. — I know I've been at fault with you in these last few months, putting my job first, in order to buy this guitar, but you know I’ve done it for the two of us, right? One day, I will be a famous guitar player and you will become the doctor you’ve always wanted to be. Then, we won’t have to depend on anyone, neither have to hide from people who can’t understand our love. Nothing will tear us apart, my love. I promise it.
If he only knew how wrong he was! Not that the music was to blame for all the problems that happened afterwards, but the circumstances. Suddenly, the idealistic for whom he had fell since they were kids started acting like an arrogant and selfish man. They could barely see each other due to his exhaustive schedule.
When they managed to be together, the time they had was so short that they started to put their conversation to a second plan, replacing them with the urgency to satisfy their longing bodies.
It was around that time that he realized the change. Not only in the guitar player’s personality, but also in the kind of music he started writing. His songs had no longer the innocence from before, the essence that captivated his first fans.
Maybe that was the reason why he was so moved by the first accords of his new work. They brought him memories of the time when his boyfriend wasn’t only busy composing commercial songs.
It was as if he had travelled back to the time when his songs reflected his true dreamy, passionate and idealistic identity.
He laid down on the sofa, his eyes closed in an attempt to prevent the tears from falling. He kept himself quite strong in the first eight tracks. Maybe because, even if he could recognize his style and talent behind the songs, he was still getting used to the new vocalist’s voice, with whom he wasn’t familiar.
He wondered what kind of people were the members of Raiden’s new band and how had he met them. He made a silent prayer for them to be good people, who would place the music first, instead of the illusion built by the fame and money that came of it.
However, when the soft voice of the vocalist was replaced by the shrill voice of his ex-boyfriend in the new song, his tears broke his barriers, one after another in a liberating weeping.
A habit I’ve acquired since you left me
In the apartment that we’ve chosen together,
I find small stains in the painting
which I’ve never noticed before.
They were so happy in the first two years. And maybe because he had spent more time at home than his boyfriend, he knew some of the stains to which he was referring to. It was a result of the painting neglected in favor of the intimate caresses they shared during the moving process.
Even knowing there's no one to answer me back.
Then, I realize that silence bothers my ears,
I'm so used to your always so noisy voice
Of the time when my happiness was mixed up with your easy and shiny smile.
In the darkness where I’m locked in now, I wonder:
In which point did I forget my light has always been you?
Maybe when his boyfriend started putting his career in first place?
Maybe when he realized what they had was too little close to his idol status?
Maybe when he started getting involved with drugs?
Or maybe it was his own fault, when he overlooked the drugs, believing it was just a phase? Or whenever he pretended not to feel the smell of different perfumes on the clothes he had used?
Maybe it was when, at one point of his exhaustive studies, he also started paying more attention to the university than to his relationship.
Or even when he trusted that the fact that his superstar boyfriend, who was able to have whoever he wanted with a snap of his fingers, still wanted to go home once in a while — even if only for sex, once their deep conversations had ceased to exist a long while before — would be enough.
If he was more forceful before, would things be different now?
I also was relieved for not having to feel guilty for your sad eyes.
As if your departure released me from the ties
That kept me attached to an unsatisfied part of me.
But when the memories of the two of us
Started filling the empty rooms,
I realized that, in reality, I had only been free when I was beside you
And I could show my real face
Do you still read manga before sleeping?
Or play with your fringe when you are anxious?
I know it wasn’t easy for you to take the decision to go away,
But now I see that was your attempt to save me from myself.
Even facing a path full of obstacles,
I am still trying to rescue the person you’ve loved one day.
I’ve heard by some friends you’re still moving on,
Even if your smile has lost a bit of the light
That is characteristic of you.
He was brief, not giving him any space for arguing, what Raiden didn’t even consider. Maybe, because he was too doped under the effects of the drugs, his face showing no emotions when he said goodbye.
In the name of the good things we lived,
Could you please make me a last favor?
Even if I’m not the person who cheers you up,
Don’t deprive the world of your bright smile.
Please, smile again…
A few days after he left the house, his ex-boyfriend went after him, regretful, asking him to go back home and promising him that he would seriously search for a treatment, this time.
He didn’t give in, then, willing to recover his own self-esteem, lost in their last year of relationship. After a couple of months, the guitar player stopped going after him. Since then, he only knew about him through Sho, to whom he went for help. He followed his treatment from afar and only calmed down when he saw him overcoming his addiction. It wasn’t easy. For several times, Raiden had a relapse and even abandoning the clinic in the middle of the treatment. Until the day Masaki heard in the radio that he had left the band.
A few days later, his friend had told him that the musician had voluntarily returned to the clinic, where he stayed for nearly six months.
Sho was right when he said his ex-boyfriend was different. In spite of the clear maturity of his new work, it was as if he could recognize the boy with whom he had fell in love at first sight; the same boy who had confessed to him and who had stolen a clumsy kiss from him. The same unsure lad with whom he had made love for the first time.
It was out of an impulse. If he had thought it through, he would never be holding the phone at that moment, even more if he had taken into account the lateness of the time. His agile fingers traveled over the keys of his phone, pressing the numbers of the apartment where he had lived for almost four years.
Maybe it was already time to end that cycle. He loved Raiden and he would always hold a special place in his heart. So now it was time to give them both a second chance, even if it had nothing to do with romance. They could, at least, resume their friendship, the love that united them since the day they’ve first met.
— Hello? — said the sleepy voice after the fifth ring.
That voice! He wanted so much to hear it again! And, when he did, all his body shook with emotion.
— Hi. Did I wake you up? — he asked, scolding himself for the lateness of the time.
— Masaki? — the person at the other side asked anxiously, as if he had suddenly awaken.
— Yes, it’s me — he answered in a whisper. — It has been a while... How are you, Jun?
Note: Hello... It's me *Singing like Adele* LOL Sorry! WELL!!!! That's it our beloved readers ♥ Did you like of our surprise??? In the truth we are really anxious about the reaction of Jun debut in the story =D