Author: Fabi & Dani (
dani_mathoz )Translator:
br_arashi Thank you ♥Pairing: Ohmiya (main), Aiba x ? (mentioned)
Genre: Romance and Angst
Rating: NC-17
Summary: 'Two lonely and suffered hearts look in the shadows of an agitated city, the light that can free them from the darkness in which they live'
Just a reminder, English is not our first language please be kind ♥
Soft and hungry lips travelled through Satoshi’s chest, tracing a sinuous path to his neck, where it stopped to give it more attention. At the same time, his partner's warm and seductive body started moving over his, teasing and slowly.
As sensual as its movements, the impatient hands held his over his head, entwining their fingers in a harsh but pleasurable prison. It felt so good that he just let himself being dominated, surrendering completely to his partner’s will.
— What?
— Are you that into western music? Since I got to the counter, you have your eyes closed, your head moving to the rhythm as if you were absorbing each accord…
— I like music, in general
— I know a place where they perform live. I guess you would like it.
— You’re aiming for the wrong person, kid. I don’t do minors. By the way, how did they let you in?
— People always tell me I look like a kid, but I’ve been doing adult stuff for more than five years, when I came of age. Anyway, I’m not giving myself out in here. I just got curious when I saw you enjoying the music as if you were in a trance and I thought that maybe you appreciated it as much as I do.
— This place... with the live performance... is it too far from here?
Satoshi moaned softly when Nino bit the lobe of his sensitive ear and a little louder when he increased the friction between their bodies before capturing his mouth in a hungry kiss.
Then, he shivered when his eyes met those expressive ones, which were staring at him with desire and love.
— See you tomorrow, Oh-chan…
— What are you doing?
— I'm getting ready to sleep.
— In the sofa? Don’t you wanna share the bed with me? Don’t get me wrong… But the bed is wide…
Nino just nodded, seeming frustrated, but followed him to the bedroom and waited for him to make himself comfortable on his usual side of the bed. They both laid there in silence, embarrassed by the situation.
— Sleep well, Nino.
— Oh-chan...
— Nino… You don’t have to force yourself…
— Force myself? Do you really believe that? You’re wrong, Oh-chan. I am grateful, I’ll never have enough words nor gestures to repay you for what you’ve been doing for me, welcoming me into your home and in your life, but… it’s not out of gratitude that I’ve been thinking about you all the time. I’ve almost died suffocated in my longing while waiting for you to get home… I…
Ohno shut up his words with a hungry kiss.
They made love more than once that night.
He pulled the younger man for a kiss, once again, before reversing their positions and trapping the half-naked body under him. He felt another shiver running down his spine when he caught him smiling lovingly. The sensation intensified, spreading all over his body, when he felt Nino’s legs enveloping his waist and his nails clawing his back.
Slowly he caressed the pale chest with his lips until he got to his lower belly and started alternating his kisses with soft bites. He smiled when he heard Nino’s moans and decided to play a while longer there, at the same time his hand started massaging the hard member over the fabric of the printed briefs he was wearing. Just when his boyfriend mumbled his name in a pleading tone, he freed him from the piece, exposing his erotic and beautiful body entirely.
A long time ago, I lived trapped in a world of shadows and illusions. It took a long time for me to remember that, one day, there was a colorful world inside me.
Meeting you made me remember that I was entitled to make plans.
You are the light I have always searched for.
You not only made me believe in the future again, but also restored my will to move on.
I will never have enough words to thank you for all the happiness I felt in our months together.
No… don’t think about this as a goodbye.
I’m not leaving you, but I will need to stay away for a while.
I’m sorry for being unable to explain my reasons, but can you trust me and don’t come looking for me?
I’ll let Niji under your care. I can only entrust her to you.
I love you.”
Nino
His lover had barely exploded in satisfaction in his lips when Satoshi searched for his mouth, in a demanding way. He bit one of his shoulders when he felt his partner’s hand entering his own briefs and squeezing his rounded and toned butt, bringing him closer and offering himself without shame or resistance.
Then, he kneeled down and pulled the offered body towards his own, finding his way between the thick thighs.
— You know, Ohno-san… — Miura stepped closer to him. — You, cops, think you are better than everyone else, don’t you? Your father had this same stoic expression when he told me he wouldn’t give up on Kazu…
— W-what?
— Six years ago, don’t you remember? In that abandoned warehouse at the harbor. You saw it, right? When I shot your father. I didn't let him take Kazu from me… It won’t be different with you! — he pointed the gun to the man’s head, but didn’t pull the trigger. Instead, he was surprised by the impact of a smaller body against his and was thrown at the opposite corner.
— Kazu, what are you doing?
Instead of answering, Kazunari kicked the gun away and ran to Satoshi, taking advantage that the drug dealer was still a bit lost with the knock on his head.
— Oh-chan… let’s get out of here… — he helped the man to get to his feet and placed himself under his unharmed shoulder, guiding him to the stairs. They didn’t manage to reach it, though.
Another shot sounded around them.
This time, however, Ohno didn’t feel any physical pain.
He felt an afflictive pain in his heart when he noticed Nino’s body losing strength and falling on the floor before he could prevent it.
— Oh-chan... — he mumbled, in a faint voice.
His tears increased and Satoshi shivered, desperate.
— Please, Nino… Don’t leave me… — he begged, in middle of his despair. — I can’t bear to lose you too… Please…
— Oh-chan… I… love you…
Stretching his hand, Satoshi picked from the bedside table the lube and spread the content on his fingers before guiding them to the hot and tight entrance. With soft movements, he prepared his boyfriend, delighted with the moans he was whispering on his ear.
Then, covering Nino’s body in a perfect fit, he united their bodies, moving in the same rhythm of their heartbeats and passionate gasps.
— Ohno-san... Don’t come here anymore. I need to make it on my own, Oh-chan. Otherwise; I won’t be able to face you with confidence when we meet again. Can you understand that?
— We can face it together...
— No. I need to do it on my own. I mean... I will need professional assistance. Lots of it, to tell you the truth, but... I don’t want you to be present when I have a relapse, because I know I will have it.
— But that is part of the treatment, Nino. I know it’s not easy to heal from an addiction, but I’m willing to help… I want to be by your side, I will not abandon you.
— I know. But I need you to let me go. I need to be in this fight entirely and this won’t happen if I have to endure you looking at me with pity or bitterness, the way you are doing now. You say things are fine, but deep down you are disappointed in me. And you have all the reasons to feel so.
— Nino...
— I will do it, Oh-chan. I know I will. For Maou, for you and, specially, for me. However, during this process, I will also need to forgive myself. Just then, I will be ready to move on and face you without having to look away for feeling myself guilty or unsure. Please, Oh-chan...
— You are right. I will not accept the break up, nonetheless.
— Oh-chan...
— I will give you some time. No matter how long it takes, I will wait for you.
— Don’t do that. I can’t hold you like this. I have no idea how long will it take me to recover... I don’t want you to stop living because of me. I want you to follow your path and find someone to make you happy...
— I have already found that person, Nino.
After a last scream of pleasure, he fell over his boyfriend, sweaty and gasping, all his cells vibrating with pleasure and happiness. He felt he would float if it weren’t for Nino’s tight hug around his waist.
— I love you, Oh-chan... — his boyfriend whispered, satiated.
Satoshi didn’t answer to it immediately, his body still lost in its ecstasy. Only after a few minutes his hand went to the juvenile face and caressed it, affectionately and moved.
— I love you too, Nino.
— Maybe I will never be ready — he repeated. — But, after all, who is? — he concluded, with a thrilled voice and Satoshi realized he was crying. — There is no miracle recipe to face the day-by-day. No one knows what lies ahead, what kind of temptations one will have to face or what kind of decisions one will have to make… I would be lying if I told you I’m not afraid, Oh-chan, but I’ve learned that I have to live a day at once. And it will be infinitely better if I can do it beside the man I love.
He turned around to face Nino and noticed he hasn't used his crutches to walk towards him.
— You will need to be more specific, Nino. I can’t understand what you are trying to tell me with such contradicting statements...
— I mean that, no matter how much I want to spare you from my problems, how better I believe you are going to live without me… I can’t neither I want to exclude you from my life — he rested his forehead against his and searched for his hands, entwining their fingers. — It took me too long to find you, Satoshi. We should have met five years ago, according to your father’s will... Destiny, however, made us meet later. It can’t be just a coincidence, right? We cannot ignore the signs…
— We cannot.
— I can’t promise you we will live happily ever after, like in a fairy tale, but, as the lyrics of that music that was playing when we met — he guided his hands to the pockets of the thin blouse he was wearing — “let me hold your two hands inside the pockets of my sweater”?
Satoshi barely noticed the first tear rolling down his enthralled face. He stared at his boyfriend, sleeping beside him, and smiled happy. If he were able to draw, he would eternize that vision in a painting.
It was the first time he saw him so calm, his expression serene and happy as if he had finally found the peace he had been searching for so long.
He was still apprehensive, that was true, and Satoshi knew it would always be that way. He also knew that he had no reason to worry. Life was following its path and they had decided to walk through it together.
He couldn’t lie and say that the shadows that haunted their souls for so long didn’t exist anymore. They would always be among them and they could do nothing to erase them. Quite the opposite. In a way, they had written their story and would always be a part of them.
However...
They had decided they wouldn’t ignore the feeling that united them due to the marks of their past. The most important for them was to move on, in spite of all this, their shadows becoming a single trace, even if it was an undefined one.
EPILOGUE
“Dry steps, the color of the moonlight on our skin
Your cold hand
Could you abandon this hesitation in the dawn
In order for me not be deprived of you?
Search for the reason or continue to believe in tomorrow?
Something inside you seems broken
Everything seem distorted
Hey, are you still able to smile?”*
— Is this song popular?
— Eh? — Satoshi took off one of his earphones and turned towards the man who was driving.
— This music you are singing… Is it popular? — said the older man, without actually looking at his son, his attention focused in the traffic.
— Am I singing it too loud? — the lad asked him, lowering the volume of his MP3. — Sorry, I didn’t realize it…
— It doesn't bother me — his father soothed him. — I just thought it is a strange coincidence to hear it twice in the same day.
— Eh? I never thought you would fancy this kind of music.
— I don’t. I heard Kazunari singing it this morning.
— Kazunari?
— A boy who I’m counselling — Ohno looked at his son, taking advantage of the red light.
— Another of these addicted troublemakers you are always trying to recover?
— Judging without facts? This shouldn’t be the behavior of someone trying to join the police corporation, Satoshi.
The younger man lowered his eyes, embarrassed by his prejudice.
— Sorry, dad. You are right, I was tactless.
— And full of prejudice — the captain added, severely. — You are not so wrong, though. He is following a wrong path and I can’t allow him to get lost. Kazu-kun has several scars in and outside, what makes he have an arrogant poise and an incredible presumption. However, it’s obviously just a shell to hide his insecurities and his suffering — he sighed, before turning his attention back to the road.
As soon as the car started moving, he smiled tenderly, almost proudly.
— He is intelligent and talented… I know he will have a great future. I would like you to meet him, Satoshi. I’m sure you two will get along pretty well. I believe that, in a way, you are destined to make part of each other’s lives.
Satoshi looked at his boyfriend, proudly. Certainly, he was as anxious as himself. However, he took a deep breath and approached him, trying to seem calm.
— Are you feeling better?
— No — Nino took a sip of the water offered to him. — I’m not ready, Oh-chan. Maybe we should cancel it…
— Stop this nonsense! — Jun scolded him from the other side of the dressing room. — You are more than ready. There’s nothing to worry.
— You say this because you are used to it, but that’s my first performance, Jun.
— You are completely wrong if you think I don’t get nervous before a concert anymore — his friend retorted, more calmly. — Believe me, I feel as apprehensive and shaken as in my first time.
— Then, you know how I’m feeling.
— Of course, I know — the guitar player fixed his already perfectly combed hair in front of the mirror before walking to his friend and holding his hands. — I also know that it will pass as soon as you step on that stage and see the audience singing your songs.
— What if I mistake the lyrics? What if I forget the notes?
— None of this will happen. How many times have you rehearsed for this concertin the last year? You’re just feeling insecure, my love — Satoshi put a hand on his shoulder. — Everything is gonna be all right. Besides, you won’t be alone there. Jun and the other musicians will be with you as well.
— You will be there with me too, won’t you?
The cop smiled.
— In the first row, with Aiba-chan and Toma-kun.
— Toma? — Jun joined the conversation again, curious. — That friend of yours, the cop?
Nino looked at him, amused.
— Yes, that very cop you have seen in our house. The one of whom you couldn’t take your eyes off when he went to fetch Oh-chan for work.
— Well... he is really handsome.
— And he is free — Satoshi concluded, teasingly.
Jun sighed, pretending to be indifferent to that information and stood up, going towards the stand with the clothes they had previously prepared for the concert.
He chose a boot, tight leather pants and an open shirt, in order to let most of his chest exposed. Glancing at his image in the mirror one last time, he smiled, approving his outfit, even though it was a little too sexy for the simplicity of the acoustic concert Nino had idealized.
— I will go check on the band — he said. — You have twenty minutes to get ready, Nino.
— Wow! You look amazing, Jun! — Masaki said when he bumped into him at the door.
— And you are getting more gorgeous every day! — he blinked to his ex-boyfriend before leaving the dressing room.
— Are you ready? — the orthopedist asked Nino, as soon as he entered.
— Almost — he answered. — I just need to get dressed and go to the bathroom one more time…
— Just relax, Nino. Everything is gonna be all right — he gave him one of his astonishing smiles. — Oh! Sho-chan asked me to tell you that he is very proud of you and that he wanted to be here to watch it personally. He said that he will send you a message later — he informed, his cellphone still in his hand, showing that he had just talked to him.
— It’s a pity that he hasn’t managed to come — wailed Satoshi.
— Indeed. I was longing to see him... I miss my boyfriend so much! — Masaki complained in a sad tone.
— You two will meet again soon, Masaki. It’s only four months before he finishes his course and comes back for good.
— Yes! And when the time comes, I will never allow him to leave me again.
Satoshi and Nino smiled, quite aware of the feeling: the will to be together all the time as if they were one.
— Well... I’m gonna take my place. Ganbatte! — Masaki hugged the artist.
— Gambarimasu! — the musician answered, a little less apprehensive than a few minutes ago.
With the assistance of the greatest and only love of his life, he got dressed in a few minutes and, beside Jun, he entered the stage.
I have always enjoyed walking through the city at night, aimlessly. The neon lights calmed me and brought me the hope, even if faint, to recover the man who I once dreamed to become.
Therefore, when I stepped on that stage, anxious and happy, the first thing I noticed were the lights of the reflectors: scintillating and colorful. However, they didn’t just illuminate.
They also created shadows.
This time, however, they brought me neither angst nor despair when creating deformed and unrecognizable figures. The images it created were solid and defined bodies; were it the image of the fans I had conquered with my hard and honest work, were it the genuine smile of my best friends, or even in the shape of a great love.
Jun was right. As soon as I stepped on the stage, my apprehension turned into accomplishment; my insecurities, into pride.
Even having my eyes teary with emotions, I smiled thankfully at all the people there. However, I only got lost into one pair of eyes, staring at me in the front row, thrilled.
Even this heart, which ended so fragile
The two of us falling while admiring the light
I’m finally overlapping my body
With your shadow” *
Facing him, with gratitude, I realized I had arrived at the last verses of the last song of the concert.
The first of many that would follow.
* Kagefumi – The Gazette
The album “Division” that brings Kagefumi in one of his tracks was released in 2012. If we would follow the chronological time based in our current year, Satoshi’s memory is around 2009. However, let’s pretend it already existed on that time. It’s all fiction, right?
Notes: Well Minna that’s the end *crying rivers*, that fic was really important to us. First of all because was our first complete chaptered fic posted here, second because that was already posted 2 or 3 years ago in Portuguese and bring that to you from every part of the world is very hard… We don’t know how that would be received by the readers, well we were really insecure mostly because our English (sorry if I did write something and you didn’t understand or my grammar errors) LOL.
Every chapter, every comment was SOOOOOO important to us and make us want to do more! You beloved reader was the most important for us, so if this fic was finished was everything because of you! From the bottom of our heart THANK YOU SO MUCH!
Thanks to br_arashi for translate this project to us, We don’t know if we would finished that story without your magic English ♥
Thanks everyone for all your support we wish everyone had fun reading, that meant a lot for us and because of you we will start our new project next week, plus I can say after TABOO vs Disco Star we already have more projects in mind, that was impossible without your support.
Thank you sooooooo much and I hope see you in the next project ♥